Psychological Wounds & Healing — Interactive Guide
Welcome to an interactive exploration of the five psychological wounds and the healing journey. This is a living document that grows with understanding and practice.
The Five Wounds Framework
Based on Lise Bourbeau's groundbreaking work, we all carry one or more of these five psychological wounds from childhood:
Wound Identification Matrix
| Wound | Mask | Core Fear | Healing Direction |
|---|---|---|---|
| Rejection | Withdrawal | "I don't belong" | Building self-worth & authentic connection |
| Abandonment | Dependence | "I'll be left alone" | Developing healthy attachment & self-reliance |
| Humiliation | Masochism | "I'm not worthy" | Learning to prioritize your own needs |
| Betrayal | Control | "I can't trust others" | Learning to trust appropriately |
| Injustice | Rigidity | "I'm not good enough" | Embracing imperfection & flexibility |
Creating Your Own Wound Assessment
A simple way to identify your primary wounds:
- Take the assessment above - Rate each statement from 0-5 based on how much it resonates
- Track your patterns - Notice which wound types score highest
- Observe your triggers - Pay attention to what situations activate each wound
- Keep a simple log - Use a notebook or phone app to track your observations
Pro tip: You can retake this assessment monthly to see how your scores change as you heal.
Mask Recognition Exercise
When you're stressed, do you tend to:
- Withdraw and isolate yourself?
- Seek constant reassurance from others?
- Put everyone else's needs first?
- Try to control everything around you?
- Become rigid and perfectionistic?
These behaviors are your protective masks in action.
The Healing Journey
Four Stages of Mask Development
Understanding how masks form helps us reverse the process:
| Stage | What Happens | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Creation | Initial protective response | Child feels rejected → develops withdrawal |
| Reinforcement | Repeated use strengthens pattern | Avoids social situations repeatedly |
| Identification | Mask becomes "who I am" | "I'm just an introvert" |
| Saturation | Automatic, unconscious behavior | Withdraws without thinking |
Four Stages of Healing
The healing process reverses these stages:
| Stage | What Happens | Practice |
|---|---|---|
| Awareness | Recognize the mask | "I see my withdrawal pattern" |
| Detachment | Separate from the mask | "This is my protective strategy, not me" |
| Authenticity | Connect with true self | "What do I really need right now?" |
| Integration | Live from authentic self | Choose responses from true nature |
Interactive Healing Practices
Daily Check-in Questions
Morning Reflection:
- Which mask am I wearing today?
- What would my authentic self choose?
- How can I honor my true needs?
Evening Integration:
- When did I respond from my mask vs. my authentic self?
- What did I learn about myself today?
- How can I be more compassionate with myself?
Creating Your Daily Healing Practice
Build your own personalized healing routine:
- Choose 2-3 practices from the wound-specific strategies above that resonate with you
- Start small - Begin with 5-10 minutes daily rather than overwhelming yourself
- Create a simple checklist - Use a notebook, phone app, or even sticky notes
- Track your consistency - Mark off each day you complete your practices
- Adjust as needed - Modify your practices based on what feels helpful
Sample daily checklist:
- Morning affirmation (5 min)
- Mindfulness check-in (10 min)
- Evening reflection (5 min)
Remember: Consistency matters more than perfection. Even 5 minutes of daily practice creates powerful change over time.
Tracking Your Healing Progress
Create your own healing milestone tracker:
Key milestones to celebrate:
- First Awareness - Recognized your mask in action
- First Choice - Chose a different response
- First Boundary - Said no to protect your energy
- First Vulnerability - Shared authentically with someone
- First Self-Compassion - Treated yourself with kindness
- Authentic Relationship - Felt more authentic in relationships
- Values-Based Decision - Made decisions from your true values
- Healthy Boundaries - Had healthier boundaries consistently
- Less Internal Conflict - Experienced less internal conflict
- Purpose Connection - Felt more connected to your purpose
How to track:
- Use a simple notebook or create a digital document
- Date each milestone when you achieve it
- Write a brief note about what happened and how it felt
- Review monthly to see your progress and celebrate growth
- Share with a trusted friend or therapist for additional support
Remember: Healing isn't linear. Some milestones may take weeks or months to achieve, and that's perfectly normal.
Interactive Exercises
Creating Your Healing Journal
Start your own healing journal with these simple prompts:
Daily reflection questions:
- Which mask did I wear today?
- What triggered my wound responses?
- How did I respond vs. how I wanted to respond?
- What did I learn about myself?
- How can I be more compassionate with myself tomorrow?
Weekly deeper reflection:
- What patterns am I noticing in my relationships?
- Which healing practices felt most helpful this week?
- What would I tell a friend going through the same thing?
- How have I grown or changed this week?
Journaling tips:
- Start small - Even 5 minutes of writing can be powerful
- Be honest - This is for you, not for anyone else to read
- Use prompts - Don't worry about perfect writing, just start
- Date your entries - Track your progress over time
- Celebrate insights - Highlight moments of self-awareness
Remember: Your journal is a safe space for your thoughts and feelings. There's no right or wrong way to do it.
The Mask Dialogue
Practice this internal conversation:
- Notice: "I see you, [mask name]. Thank you for trying to keep me safe."
- Acknowledge: "You developed to protect me from [wound]."
- Choose: "I can choose to respond differently now."
- Act: Respond from your authentic self.
The Healing Mantra Practice
Choose a mantra for your primary wound:
- Rejection: "I am worthy of love and belonging"
- Abandonment: "I am safe and secure within myself"
- Humiliation: "My needs matter as much as others'"
- Betrayal: "I can trust myself to handle whatever happens"
- Injustice: "I am enough, even when I'm not perfect"
Practice daily for 30 days.
Resources for Deeper Exploration
Books & Resources
- "The Five Wounds" by Lise Bourbeau
- "Self-Compassion" by Kristin Neff
- "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
- "Healing the Shame that Binds You" by John Bradshaw
Practices to Explore
- Inner child work
- Somatic healing
- EMDR therapy
- Mindfulness meditation
- Journaling
- Creative expression
The Garden Metaphor
Just as a garden requires:
- Awareness of what's growing (weeds vs. flowers)
- Careful tending of each plant's needs
- Patience for growth to unfold
- Compassion when plants struggle
So does healing require:
- Awareness of our patterns and wounds
- Gentle care of our emotional needs
- Patience with the healing process
- Compassion for ourselves and others
Remember
Healing is not about becoming perfect or never feeling pain again. It's about developing the capacity to hold the full spectrum of human experience with grace and wisdom.
You are not broken. You are not damaged. You are a human being on a journey of growth and discovery.
Related Resources
Garden Connections
- Self-Reflection Workbook — Structured exercises for deeper self-awareness and personal growth
Blog Connections
- Healing Your Wounds Blog — Comprehensive guide to understanding and healing psychological wounds
This is a living document. Add your own insights, practices, and discoveries as you grow in your healing journey.